The shield of anonymity

It seems kind of chickenshit to post under a pseudonym, but I'm not used to sharing these thoughts. I'm used to smiling and pretending everything's okay when I'd really like to carve out some jerk's still-beating heart.

And I'm afraid, too, that my comments here will tell everyone I'm "not a team player." Afraid I won't get that pay raise, and my name will move up the layoff list. Afraid I'll get payback from co-workers. Afraid some overbearing client will think I'm really not the right person for the project.

Yet I'm so tired of reading blogs that so clearly are written to exclude me and my kind, like hanging out a "boys only" sign. Pussy, cunt, slit, hole, twat--words for just a part of me that stands for the whole me, and that are vile insults. Bitch, slut, and whore--I'm a rutting dog or receptacle for hire. These aren't just words; they're me being thrown on the ground, kicked, and pissed on.

I hear the hostility, despite the smirking disavowals.